my current soap box!

WARNING: may contain slight hippie views!

Over thanksgiving I went to my sister's house in Springfield, MO. She told me about this documentary, Food Inc. In my opinion, EVERYONE should watch it! It talks about the chemicals that is put in our foods, our meats more than anything. Also, the big companies, who are cloning animals to feed to us and altering the genes of our "natural" food, are putting the small farmers, who do everything the natural way (the way God intended), out of business! I'm not even going to get started on the way the workers are treated! For more info go to takepart.com/foodinc.

I have always been semi-aware of the situation because my parents have shopped mostly organic for most of my life and I have been known to do without meat most of the time but this was still very eye opening to me. We, as consumers, seem to think that we cannot change things but we CAN! We need to choose healthy options and shop locally (local farmers markets are a great way to get involved). We need to protect the body that God gave us and stop putting so many chemicals, that we don't even know about, into them. I refuse to put chemically altered meats and vegetables into my body just because it is cheaper than the natural options.

I see kids today who are making meals out of poptarts or only eating chicken in nugget form and it makes me cringe. Like it or not, these are the kids that will be on the Biggest Loser, or another show like it, 15 years from now IF they are lucky! I believe it is our job as adults to teach the next generation how to make the best choices for a healthy lifestyle. How can we do this if we do not set a good example. What we choose to buy at the grocery store today is what determines what goes in it tomorrow. Let's make healthy decisions, if not for ourselves, for the generation to come. The first step is to make ourselves aware!

ok off the soap box! Love you all!

Strengths

Today I bought a book...before you die of shock, I read every night. I just don't always talk about what I am reading. Anyway, I bought Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath. I recommend this book to EVERYONE. It comes with an online quiz that helps you identify and channel your top 5 strengths. I believe everyone should know what they are good at. I love to know what other people got too so incase you are the same way, here are my top 5 strengths...

Individualization

Shared Theme Description

People who are especially talented in the Individualization theme are intrigued with the

unique qualities of each person. They have a gift for figuring out how people who are

different can work together productively.

Your Personalized Strengths Insights

What makes you stand out?

Driven by your talents, you enhance your own quality of life each time you reach out to

someone in need of assistance. Chances are good that you periodically investigate the “hows”

and “whys” of a given situation. You might find relationships between the final result and the

events preceding it. Perhaps these links enable you to understand how things came into being.

You may draw logical conclusions that can broaden your knowledge base. It’s very likely that

you derive much joy from assisting people in need. Instinctively, you may adopt a more

favorable outlook on life when you can identify the conditions that produced certain

outcomes. Perhaps you need to know why something did or did not happen. You might be

impelled to examine some of the details of specific events, processes, programs, or

mechanisms. Because of your strengths, you distinguish the fine points of each person’s

contribution to a conversation. You guide the exchange of information by drawing out the

singular perspectives of everyone involved. You help individuals bring forth their varied,

peculiar, eccentric, quaint, or unusual viewpoints. By honoring the uniqueness of each human

being, you enliven many dialogues.

Achiever

Shared Theme Description

People who are especially talented in the Achiever theme have a great deal of stamina and

work hard. They take great satisfaction from being busy and productive.

Your Personalized Strengths Insights

What makes you stand out?

Because of your strengths, you work with intensity to advance in your job or studies. You

expect to be rewarded for your hours of effort. You want to be acknowledged for your

successes. It’s very likely that you sometimes feel good about yourself and life in general

when you exhibit the self-discipline to apply all your energy — mental and physical — to a

particular job, assignment, goal, or obligation. Chances are good that you set very high

expectations for yourself. Typically you push yourself until you reach your goals. You are not

content unless you deliver the best performance or produce the most outstanding results.

Driven by your talents, you handle tension quite well. Stress and strain cause you to

concentrate most of your physical and mental energies on the right activities. Deadlines

probably motivate you to be much more efficient and effective. By nature, you sometimes

delight in working or studying by yourself. When you team up with people, you might be

disappointed when they fail to appreciate your ability to outperform them. A few individuals

may be threatened by your work ethic, persistence, or diligence.

Competition

Shared Theme Description

People who are especially talented in the Competition theme measure their progress against

the performance of others. They strive to win first place and revel in contests.

Your Personalized Strengths Insights

What makes you stand out?

By nature, you may be exceptionally motivated when you are pitted against others —

especially when only one person can be declared the very best. Your desire to capture the top

prize or finish in first place may drive your choices or explain your behavior. Instinctively,

you may feel a bit dissatisfied with your life when you are deprived of opportunities to

engage in rivalries, games, or contests. Perhaps you are drawn to situations where only one

person emerges victorious. Chances are good that you use your sharp mind to outmaneuver

your rivals. Your original thinking makes you a formidable — that is, dreaded — opponent.

It’s very likely that you may yearn to be independently successful. Sometimes you rely on

your results to build your reputation as an accomplished and competent professional or

student. Because of your strengths, you might feel more enthusiastic about your life when you

can compare your results to those of others. Perhaps you are motivated by the image of

yourself standing in the victory circle and being hailed as “the very best.”

Futuristic

Shared Theme Description

People who are especially talented in the Futuristic theme are inspired by the future and what

could be. They inspire others with their visions of the future.

Your Personalized Strengths Insights

What makes you stand out?

Chances are good that you sometimes feel an urge to introduce yourself to visitors and start

talking with them. Why? Maybe you welcome the chance to tell one more person what you

dream of accomplishing in the coming months, years, or decades. Maybe you just want the

individual to like you. By nature, you routinely create vivid mental images of what you plan

to accomplish in the coming weeks, months, or years. You delight in sharing your dreams and

goals with others. Formal and informal discussions usually capture your interest and keep

your attention. You welcome opportunities to refine your thinking about what is possible.

Instinctively, you create detailed and vivid images of what the future promises. You can

describe it long before others can imagine it. Driven by your talents, you might declare, “Life

is grand” when certain people stop and listen as you describe your hopes for the coming

months, years, or decades. Perhaps you share your images of the future with at least one

individual a day. This may be one way you keep your dreams alive. Because of your

strengths, you have a capacity for envisioning what the coming months, years, or decades

could, should, or will be like. Frequently you are prompted to transform your ideas into things

you can touch, taste, see, smell, or hear.

Significance

Shared Theme Description

People who are especially talented in the Significance theme want to be very important in the

eyes of others. They are independent and want to be recognized.

Your Personalized Strengths Insights

What makes you stand out?

Chances are good that you live your life at center stage. It is risky at times. However, it is the

only way you will ever know how much people appreciate and love you. Being a person of

prominence and achievement comes naturally to you. You easily capture the attention of

others. You sense that you are most alive when you hear thunderous applause or receive

accolades from those who realize you are important. It’s very likely that you sometimes

derive satisfaction from helping people recognize they have reached their desired goals. If

they have not met all their objectives, perhaps you emphasize the progress they have made up

to this point. By nature, you might choose to surround yourself with productive people. Why?

Maybe they are not afraid of hard work or long hours. Instinctively, you want people to listen

attentively to you. You expect them to take seriously what you say. Driven by your talents,

you seek jobs and assignments that allow you to influence people to do whatever needs to be

done. You are eager to be in a position of authority.

This is what makes me who I am. I feel it is pretty accurate!

The Stage

I have been reading some of my friends blogs and I am blown away by the honesty and transparency of some of their blogs! I myself want to be that transparent. So here goes...

I don't know what it is, but lately I find myself missing the stage. I miss everything about it. I miss the nerves beforehand, the blinding lights, the mic in my hand and the sweat in my palms, the feeling of accomplishment when you do something you thought you could never do, and most of all I miss helping others enter the throne room of God through song just to tell Him how much they love Him. Besides singing a couple of songs at my cousin's wedding last summer, it has been over 4 years since I have sang on the stage or in front of a crowd at all. Although I have been in voice lessons for 2 years of those "silent" 4, it's not the same.) I never thought I would go this long without singing, EVER!

From the time I was 4 years old I have been handed a mic and thrown onto the stage. Growing up a musician's kid in church, I never had to audition for a thing really. They just assumed I had natural talent so they asked me, more like told me, that I was going to sing this song or be in that play. I was always the exception to the rules in these situations. Example: When I was 4 I was too young to be in the music camp at my church but they made and exception for me. Also, my junior year in high school I worked, went to night school, and did dual credit at TCC to graduate early and as you can imagine, I was a VERY busy girl! So when I was asked to be in the Christmas play I made a deal with the director so I could miss all of the practices except the dress rehearsal.

This all changed when I went to masters commission. EVERYONE there has talent. Don't get me wrong, it is a good thing to be around such talent young people. But being the kid who always stood out, this was something to get used to. The talent did not stop at just the masters commission as the church worship band was incredibly talented! I begged and begged to be a part of this team but the worship pastor kept telling me I had to first be involved in the masters band. The only problem is, the leader of the band would NOT put me on the band...at all. He had his brother for back up and 2 female singers, he didn't need anyone else. I never sang in that band or the church worship team. I look back at this now and it was a good thing. I found other things that I am good at besides singing. I am a good leader, a good communicator, a good organizer, and the list goes on. I was stretched. Although I can see this now, I couldn't see it at the time. It really took a toll on my self esteem, as far as singing was concerned anyway. Never mind that the masters band leader wanted my opinion on the music or my criticism. This didn't matter to me because he didn't want my voice. I took it very personally. I thought I wasn't good enough, I thought my voice wasn't good enough. Not true, I know it now, but still it was a VERY humbling experience for me.

When I left masters I started going to a new church. I was even more unsure of myself and my ministry then when I went to masters, not to mention I was so burned out and emotionally and physically drained that, I swear, I must have slept for a month straight! You could imagine that I didn't want to have a part in any ministry. I was hurt. I got to church 5 minutes late and left during the closing prayer so I didn't have to get "sucked in" and get involved. I was mad at church and, even though it wasn't his fault, I was mad at God. But I also didn't know how to get involved, or even how to ask to sing with the worship team. I always thought it would be so conceited of me to ask them. (I can't believe how messed up my thinking is sometimes!)

After a string of events in my life, I have realized that I can't do life on my own. I need God and I need others. I am super involved in an incredible ministry (shout out 20/20) full of young people who want to make a difference. I love it and I love what I do there, but that doesn't change the fact that I feel like something is missing. I have always felt a huge calling on my life, worship being one of the main focusses, and I just can't help but think that I may never get there. So even in the crowd during worship, I always try to sing my best. I take every moment I can (singing in the car, at home in my room, or whatever) to practice and keep my voice in shape because I want to be prepared when the moment comes. Is this silly? maybe, but whenever God chooses me to lead His people to praise and worship Him, I am going to be ready!

So now I'm going to tell you one of my most embarrassing secrets. I keep practicing songs, worship songs, really any kind of song. And by practicing I mean REALLY learning the song. I will play it over and over and learn it as if I am going to be singing it in front of thousands! I know it's silly but that is what I do! My mom makes fun of me but I can't help it, it's who I am. And now I must tell you that I did not write this for pitty. I just think this happens to more people than we think. Also, the guy who wouldn't let me sing is one of my very best friends now! He is one of the hand full of people that I would trust with my deepest secrets, or my life for that matter! So no hard feelings there :) Also, I feel like this time had to happen to humble myself.

But those who hope in the Lord.

Last year I wrote a blog on my facebook about the year I had in 2008. It was full of good and bad and I found out I was stronger than I thought. I wrapped up the blog by telling 2009 and "bring it on" I could take it...And boy did it! Needless to say, I am not ending this blog the same way!

I feel like this has been one of the hardest years of my life, if not THE hardest. I also feel like it has been hard for almost everyone. At the beginning of 2009 I just moved back to dallas, and back in with my parents. I was heart broken and never felt more alone. I was going to culinary school, and hating it! I had no church home and about 3 friends that still lived in the area, and I use 'in the area' very loosely since the closest one lived over 20 minutes away. I didn't have a job and I didn't feel like I had a purpose.

Since then I quit culinary school, got an amazing job (that we will come back to later), gotten my heart broken (again...what's new?), and made more friends then I can count through church. To other people 2009 may look like an unsuccessful year, but to me it was a year of growth. For the first time in my life I am living my own life, not in a 'not for Jesus' way...more like in a 'not for other people' way. I have really tried my hardest to listen to God and be who He wants me to be. I've tried (and am still trying) to not worry about every little thing and let Him guide me and take control of my life. Isaiah 40:31 says, "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

So now I sit here, already in 2010, not knowing much of what this year will hold....a new job since I will only be at mine until mid-January. Hopefully a new place to live. I love my parents but come on, I'm 23! New friendships and deeper levels to the ones I already have. But for 2010 I want to live by this verse. I want to put my hope in the Lord, completely. I want to give God a chance to be God, to be my provider, my comforter, my strength, my shelter, and whatever else He wants to be in my life this year. It sounds a lot better than the way I usually do things!

So to all my friends and family, and to those who had a particularly rough year, "The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace." Numbers 6:24-25.